For the wearied mother's heart...

Hey Mama I see you. Struggling to keep your cool, fighting back the tears, and waiting for the screams to end. I see you taking deep breaths, clenching your jaw in frustration, and pleading with your child to calm down. I see you because I am there right beside you. I am walking the same path and I feel your hurt and struggles. I carry those same burdens and I too am praying for relief.

On Sunday I had someone approach me and talk about a funny story she saw on my instagram page. We laughed for a few minutes about the silliness of life and then we came to the topic of children. She gave me some sweet and encouraging advice and she said a phrase that stuck out like a sore thumb.

“Oh yes, I remember those days. You are in the trenches.”

She had perfectly summed up the last 4 months of my life in five simple words. YOU ARE IN THE TRENCHES. 

You see the Lord has blessed me with 2 beautiful and healthy children. Brooklynne my oldest was the worlds easiest baby, and to this day still obeys the first time 99.7 % of the time. The Lord also blessed me with Mercy. Beyond fitting for her name, that child has me begging God for mercy on a daily basis. How to describe her in 3 words? Stubborn, strong-willed, and defiant. Now do not get my wrong, she has the biggest heart for the people she loves and if I am “in trouble” when daddy is tickling me, she will come flying into the room in full attack mode so that she can protect me. She has qualities in her now that I recognize that show potential leadership. However,  there are also many other qualities that need guidance and instruction.

Trenches.

A few weeks ago I was in Walmart picking out a toy for my nieces birthday with my girls and it was time to go pay. The girls had agreed upon a toy and when I told Mercy to put the other one back she instantly got angry and told me no. If you have ever been in this situation (which most moms have) you know you have approximately 20 seconds before world war 3 erupts. Before I knew it she was crying, screaming, kicking and I think at one point the walls may have been shaking. So I marched her little bum into the back area for employees only, disciplined her and walked out. Nothing improved. So we went into the bathroom, disciplined her again and walked out. And when I say walk out, it appeared more like a flustered mom struggling to carry a furious child and push the shopping cart at the same time. At that point I knew I just needed to get her out of the store so I put her in the cart, screaming and crying and went to check out. While I was waiting in the line, I heard the couple gossiping behind me about how horrible my child was acting and how they would leave the store if that ever happened to them. I was trying so hard to fight back the tears as soon as I heard that. It took every bone, muscle, and nerve in my body NOT to turn around and give them a piece of my mind. You see my husband had been out of town for the past week so I had been alone with my kids all week long. I didn’t have the option of taking them home and leaving again after they were in bed. I didn’t have the option of asking my husband to pick up the toy on his way home from work. I was playing mom and dad that week by myself and I was exhausted. So as soon as we left the store I barely had enough time to put the kids in the car before my emotions got the best of me. I sat down in the front seat burdened and feeling powerless and just cried.

Deep Trenches.

Some days I feel like I am hiding deep in a war zone trying to dodge flying bullets and waiting for the moment of silence where I can peek my head above to see if it is safe to come out. Lets be honest, raising children is a battle. I never knew how angry I could get until I had tiny humans try to defy me in every way possible. However just as a soldier would prepare himself for war, so should a parent prepare themselves for the grueling (oh it is, at times) task of raising children to be mature respectful adults. 

Ephesians 6:10-18 is one of my favorite passages about putting on the armor of God. After reading through it the other day, I couldn’t help but see the correlation in my everyday life being a mom. When you have a child or children that are going through a defiant or difficult phase ( so basically all parents) you HAVE to prepare yourself for the battle. If not, by the end of the day you are left defeated, worn out and exhausted. So I asked myself, How can I put on the armor of God every day when parenting my kids?

First I need to be filling my mind with truth, and that would be the word of God. It is so important to take a few minutes to humble yourself before the Lord and ask for guidance on raising these precious children we have been entrusted with. Believe me, I understand that time is fleeting but any time with God is time well spent.  Lately I have been struggling with my tongue, and it has been getting me in more trouble then I would like to admit. James is a wonderful book, that teaches guidance on controlling the tongue. Oh how easy it to snap at those little faces when I am tired and worn. There are also so many good practical application in the book of James, if you have never read through the book I highly recommend it.

Secondly I can pray over my children. I like to go in late at night when my girls are asleep and pray specifically for each child. In the quiet and the stillness of the night, when I can finally hear my own thoughts, that is my favorite time to bathe those sweet babes in prayer. My children need me to fight for them. I love coming to God on their behalf and asking for their needs. Needs that they are not even aware of yet. What a blessing it is to know I can come before the throne of God and lay my worries at his feet.

I always hear people say, “Don’t blink, they grow up too fast”. Yet during the tough times, all you want is to blink in hopes of finding relief in the next stage of life. I am trying to find the happy medium, and some days it is simply having a content heart. Each day seems to pass quicker than the one before and I know I only have so many days before their little fingers and toes start to grow to match mine. Mama's stay steadfast and strong in the Lord. Our efforts are not in vain, and if no one has told you today, you are doing a wonderful job!

If you are in a similar stage of life and would love prayer over your little or big one, please let me pray for and with you! Let me lift up your babies to the Lord as I lift up mine...

XOXO,

Brianna

Keep Looking Forward

Mondays.

Mondays should be short and sweet and so should every blog post that you read today.

At least this one will be. :) 

Last week was one of those weeks for me I wish I could erase from history, have a do-over and start fresh. Every day seemed to escalate from the previous and I found myself slipping into all kinds of directions. I felt like Peter walking on water….let me rephrase that, Peter sinking in the water and desperately looking around for a life boat to bring me to shore.

I will be the first to admit, I had slacked on my Bible reading that week and that left the door wide open for Satan to walk in and make himself comfortable. And he did just that…walked around leaving ideas of confusion, anger, frustration, and discouragement. It was not long before I had realized I had taken my eyes off the prize. Jesus.

I was busy looking all around for an answer, rather than looking straight ahead for the ONLY answer. It is so easy to become consumed with your own life that you start to find places to FIT God in, rather than fitting YOURSELF in Gods will.

 Keep your eyes on Jesus.

When you feel yourself slipping and becoming distracted, keep looking straight ahead.

When your burdens become to heavy to bear, keep looking straight to Jesus.

Grab your coffee, scribble bible verses to carry around with you, and lean on Jesus. Just keep looking forward.

The amazing part? If you find yourself struggling by Wednesday, his mercies are new every morning. Start fresh the next day. HALL-E-LU-JAH!

Remember, Jesus IMMEDIATELY stretched his hand out and caught Peter. How much more will he be ready to catch you.

“Look unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith…”

A Small Piece in a Bigger Picture

Fashion has always been a passion of mine. As a little girl I used to love watching my mother get ready when she had an event to attend. I can still remember her long black sequined gown that she typically wore at Christmas time. It even had a matching black shawl that would glisten every color of the rainbow when it hit the light just right. Like many girls, during those moments I could not wait to grow up and showcase my own personal style.

One quality my mother instilled in me at a very young age was how to be a savvy shopper. The finances were not always available for her to buy us children new clothes so she taught me some shopping hacks. Clearance rack, goodwill, and a great eye! If you ask the majority of my family, they will tell you that I am very good at finding incredibly discounted deals. It must run in the blood!

In April of this year I thought it would be a fun idea to create an Instagram account, sharing with others some great ways to shop affordably. I knew bloggers were creating an income for themselves writing about their own personal style so I decided to take my passion and the blog I had started at the beginning of this year and see if I could turn it into reality.

To say it has been fun is an understatement! I never really knew if anything would ever come of it, but I have been working very hard researching and reaching out to companies. So far I have collaborated with over 35 companies and just recently had Sketchers reach out to collaborate with me (there may have been some major squealing when that email came). I FINALLY have found something I love to do and am helping provide for my family because of it. Everything seemed to be going great but I couldn’t help but feel like there was something missing.

In these short six months, I have been continually praying to God if this is not what he wants me to be doing to make it clear, close the doors. Almost every time I prayed that, a new opportunity would arise. I knew the lord was blessing this for a reason, more than just financially for my family. Here I had a platform of thousands of followers, thousands of people who I could reach with my voice and I realized what component was missing, my faith. So that is what I slowly started to incorporate more in my posts.

I was talking with a sweet friend at church a while back, that everyone loves and respects and she was telling me, Brianna what you have is a gift. A gift I thought? I never in a million years would think fashion could be a gift of the Lord, but she explained to me that not everyone has an eye for style. The Lord puts people in your path at just the right moment to be an encouragement, and that little five minute conversation was just what I needed. After that talk I had a clear vision of what I wanted to do with my blog and what direction I wanted to take.

Last week I put a picture of a bracelet on my social media that a company sent me with the words, “So loved” that I had them print. I was able to share with all of my followers why that phrase had so much meaning. How “God so loved the world”. I was able to share John 3:16 with over 11,000 people. Typing that sentence right now honestly brings me to tears. It is not about me, or my clothes or what social media says, it is about bringing the knowledge of Jesus Christ to the world. The Lord has allowed me to play a small role in reaching out to others and sharing my faith in a way I never thought was possible. My posts have been read by women in countries such as Australia and Europe, places I most likely will never visit! Social Media can be a very discouraging and almost dangerous tool to use at times, but on the other hand it is an incredible way to reach people around the world. It has become a way for every Christian to be a social media missionary!

 If my blog was to vanish and Instagram erased my account, sure it would be frustrating to see my hard work disappear but I would be okay with it. Taking a step back and looking at the grand picture, the life I live is to glorify God and not solely the things I have accomplished. I never wanted my blog to be about me, but something God could use THROUGH me to help encourage others. If the Lord has been speaking to your heart to start a blog or something similar, pray about it and if you feel the Lord leading you in that direction then I encourage you to act on it! I have been blessed in many ways by connecting with other believers across the country, and I can guarantee you will bless someone else along the way!

Nothing is Wasted

Perspective.

It is a big word I fully try to understand, but find myself coming up short far too often. As a mom my tunnel vision kicks into high gear more often than I would like, and at times I find myself looking at my mundane routine and griping about little things under my breath that so easily besets me.  Focusing on the negative is a sure fire way to make any Monday start off rough and yesterday was no exception. I came down with a nasty cold and could only reflect on the things I needed to get done that day and how my being sick was not supposed to be on the agenda. Half asleep, I dragged myself out of bed to grab some fruit and water and head back into my room before sibling rivalry broke out between my girls. In theory it was a good idea, but Brooklynne had already dived into the strawberries and the drama elevation between the two girls was rising.

My oldest daughter Brooklynne, when eating strawberries has a tendency to eat only the bottom part of the fruit and toss the remaining leftovers back in the bucket. So when I come along and expect to grab a handful of ripened strawberries I am usually stuck with a bountiful measure of leftover strawberry leaves. It used to really bother me and I would throw out the leftovers she so lazily declined to do herself, but a few weeks ago a friend was telling me about all the nutrients the leaves actually contained. She said the leaves nutrients can help aid in digestion, arthritis pain, and pack some pretty valuable vitamins as well.

You mean to tell me what I thought was potential garbage acutally had purpose left? Yes.

PERSEPCTIVE.

I recently read a book called, “In the Presence of Mine Enemies.” I highly, highly recommend it. Without giving away too many details, it is a woman’s journey of being held captive for a year in the jungle by Muslim terrorists. Gracia speaks how the life she once knew no longer existed and everything that was given to them was a direct blessing and answer to prayer. With every chapter I read, I became more and more aware of how little my perspective can be at times. As a wife and mom I have duties and responsibilities, and just like any other job sometimes I get so caught up in them I forget to take a step back and look at the whole picture. I believe it is safe to say we all stuggle with this from time to time. However, when we do not take the time to step back we tend to miss out on seeing how blessed we truly are.

Yesterday, when I saw those bottomless strawberries I could not help but chuckle.Brooklynne unknowingly reminded me how I should stop looking at my day through my eyes and start looking at it through Gods. To stop looking at bad days as "waste" and find the unknown blessings. To be Content. To be aware that the fruit that had been picked at meant we had food to eat, the bed I crawled out of said I had legs that moved and the bickering of children showed me I have been blessed with the most rewarding job on earth, being a mother. Waking up yesterday I never would have thought that the Lord would use a few pieces of fruit to give me a new vision for the day.

Dear Younger Me...

Next month will mark my 10 year anniversary from graduating high school. When I reflect back on those memories it feels like that was a lifetime ago, but then there are times when I will hear laughter or smell a perfume and those memories flood back in my mind. I love reflecting back on those few years because it shows growth. The girl who walked those halls still exists but life has taken me down many different paths. Some paths I never would have liked to see and some paths I was not ready for and that was where the unfolding of maturity took place. I am so excited to share my (shortened) testimony of where I was and Where God is leading me now.

I grew up in a Christian home with loving parents and a great family and support system. Towards the end of high school I started to make some decisions that were beneficial towards me and what I enjoyed in life. Happiness or pleasing myself started to take the wheel in life and if it made me feel good, I let myself indulge in just that. Brianna started to live for Brianna and no one else. I allowed this lifestyle to go on for several years when God started slowly speaking to my heart.

A short time after graduation my parents received a call stating I had been hospitalized and needed to come home early from their camping trip. I woke up that Saturday morning having no recollection of the previous twelve hours and was told I should be grateful to be alive. The doctors gave my parents information of counselors in the area and highly suggested I seek help. In my mind however, I did not need help. I was just looking to have fun and enjoy life.

That was when God first spoke to my heart. I was proclaiming to be a Christian however my actions stated otherwise. I knew I was living a hypocritical lifestyle but my flesh just wasn’t ready to change. The sting of that event lasted for short while, but overtime that feeling faded and I went back into old habits.

A few years later I went to visit my sister out of state and no sooner after she picked me up from the airport we got in a car accident on the highway. I was the only one injured resulting in broken bones which led to surgery, physical therapy and one long summer of being in a cast. This time around when God spoke to my heart I listened a little differently. God spared my life several years back and I had made a conscious decision back then that I was still going to do what I wanted to do, regardless of being a poor testimony of my faith. However, this time around my heart was spoken to in a different way. I knew that if I did not make a change in my life, a change that would be evident to the people around me I may not have another chance. The lifestyle of living to satisfy myself by whatever means, needed to come to an end. I needed to close that chapter of life for good. So that’s what I did.

That summer I cut off all communication from the people I knew and was left with about two friends. One friend told me she knew a Christian guy and wanted us to meet. The thought was almost nauseating. I was done giving my heart away but I had just cut off all ties from any friends so I figured, what do I have to lose? Well, I could not be more thankful for having developed that friendship. Through him I met some of my best friends, strong Christian women who ultimately led me to my husband (That is a story for another time).

Trying to condense 28 years into a short blog is seemingly impossible. The past seven years with my husband has been quite a rollercoaster ride in itself. Our first year of marriage I was pregnant, hospitalized twice, forced to move out of our apartment at 8 months pregnant, my parents went through a divorce, we experienced a financial drought to say the least, and had to deal with typical first year marriage struggles. But through all this I can honestly say I am thankful for the struggles. There have been times when I have been so broken and distraught, but saw the hand of God work miracles in my life that can only be explained by him.

If there is one major change in my life that took place it was my identity. When I ended that chapter of life, the “me “chapter I call it I was transformed. I am no longer that same person I used to be and I went into the next chapter of life a different person. My Identity was no longer in who I dated, what I did or how I looked on the outside. My identity was now and still is, in Christ. There is so much freedom when you no longer feel the need and pressure to satisfy the world. To know I am no longer defined by what I do or what I am incapable of doing. My past will never define me; instead it allows me to see the transformation of a heart that saw the need for a savior. “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." I am so thankful for a God  who loves unconditonally.

To the Woman who has gone before me...

I see you sitting there across the room. You have a gentle presence about you. Your hair is styled, clothes look presentable and your smile shows a sign of a content heart. I am slightly jealous of you. The stage of life I am in is wonderful however the challenges have been strong. My hair is made up of 90% dry shampoo, the bags under my eyes cannot be concealed, and my clothes are still slightly wrinkled although I spent the morning trying to iron them. I argued the whole way to church with my husband over nonsense matters and my heart’s attitude is not where it should be for a Sunday morning.

You see God gave me a wonderful husband. I could not be more proud and thankful for him and he is everything I am not. He constantly portrays patience to my ever hasty self and is a true example of Christ. However God also gave me you. A woman who has gone before me and experienced life’s trials as a mother and wife. Someone who has been through the trenches, experienced loss and heartache, and has come out on the other side praising God. I need you. I need you more than you know. You have gems of wisdom. If time allowed I would sit down with every one of you to glean as much as possible. I may appear to have things together but I am still a young mom who needs the guidance of those who have gone before her. There have been a few questions on my heart that I want to ask you:

When you see my smile slightly broken will you hug me?

When my face is flustered because my children are not listening will you walk up and encourage me?

If you have not seen me in church for a few weeks will you call me just to say hello?

If our eyes lock at church will you smile at me?

When you see my girls run by will you wave to them?

When you see my husband and I together will you say a quick pray that God continues to strengthen our marriage?

Will you give me advice? Especially when I do not ask for it?

If my actions at any point are questionable will you loving pull me aside and talk to me about them?

I don’t ever want you to feel forgotten or not needed in this generation. If anything you are needed now more than ever. With each new phase of life I enter I realize more and more that your wisdom and grace is so beneficial to young moms such as myself. Titus 2 speaks of counsel from the “aged woman” to the “young woman”. I am here. I am listening, I am watching, and I am learning from you. You are a blessing to me and I pray that maybe someday I can lead an example such as yours to those around me.